More medication. Something else my liver needs to deal with. This was a concern, but of course, I was being a little paranoid. I'm good at that.
So I got a 2 week sample of Pristiq and at first I didn't think it was working. Apparently this particular anti-depressant is quick to work - quick, as in days, not weeks. Of course the full effects are not 'felt' until 4-6 weeks after starting, but Dr B said I would notice a change within a short time.
I was really doubtful. I didn't feel a difference. Plus, when you're on holidays you would expect to feel some sense of relaxation anyway. No work to worry about. Being able to see friends and family. Away from the draining heat of D-Town.
I went back to see Dr B after 2 weeks. I have to again applaud him for his total awesomeness. Dr B said he would fit in to see me at any time within the 2 weeks of trying Pristiq - all I would have to do is call, leave a message and he would call me back and see me whenever. Again...what a legend. So back to the story...I walked into his office and we had some small chit chat before I said, "I don't think it's working." He was quick to disagree. Hmmm, okay. In the words of Pauline Pantsdown, please explain? He commented on my demeanour, my face, body language, the way I was engaging in conversation (albeit small talk). He compared all these things to when I walked in the 2 weeks prior. He commented that when I came in two weeks before, I looked tired, drained, didn't smile and when I did it was awkward and fake. I was not logical in my thinking (the 'what if' mother fuckers were plaguing my trains of thought). I was negative etc.
I began to think about these comments, and yes, he was right. I was thinking better! My outlook on things and stuff was improved and my smiles became genuine. My thoughts of my MS were being dealt with in a logical manner. The things I would say, instead of people responding with, "Don't be silly", "Don't think like that" etc had turned to people agreeing with what I was saying. Does that make sense?
So I have continued on with the Pristiq.
I have never been on any kind of anti-depressant in my life. And although it is not the answer to all my anxiety issues etc, I have to say that I feel so much better. Not physically (though I don't feel too shabby), but in my thoughts and my inner voice. This is why it was hard to write my previous blog, because it has been so long since I felt that low - how great!
I do need to acknowledge that being on holidays away from stresses of D-Town did contribute to me feeling better, and now, with week 5 of term 1 over, I have been struggling a bit with my sleeping again. And Dr B did warn me that I may encounter a slump once I came back up here and began work again. And he was right. I feel I am at that point at the moment. But I have the positive outlook, deep down (hard to find at times), that I will cope. Because it's just what you do. No matter what comes your way, you deal with it as best you can, and you do cope. It sounds very Hallmark-ish. And I apologise for that. But really truly ruley, people cope. Some do not. And that is sad. But I am coping.
I have now joined the MS Society of NT and SA. And my next move to look after my mental health (besides getting out of D-Town at the end of the year), is to find a head doc (Psychologist) through the MS Society, who I can discuss my MS with. No friendly chat, just get down to business. Attack my fears surrounding MS.
Wish me luck! It might take a while...
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