It's just past midnight, and I am (still) sick with a super dooper sore throat that I have been trying to clear all day. I can't sleep because of it. Take pain killers you say? I have, but no killing of the pain has occurred. I have been unwell for days now. In between then and now I attended a beautiful wedding interstate, where I pulled through the day taking some trusty cold and flu tablets. BUT, it seems I have picked up a germ somewhere and it has decided to have an open house party and fester in my body (gross). Probably picked it up on the plane? At the airport? Who bloody knows, but now I am feeling sooo much worse than I did and this makes me angry. Luckily tomorrow is a public holiday? It will be lucky if I can get to see a doc :-/ But then I just want some miracle cure that doesn't entail having anymore days off work. When is someone going to develop generic magic pill that fixes anything and everything instantly? Hmmm?
Argh! But I am not here to whinge solely about my being sick, I just felt like letting you know why I was awake to write this post, though I didn't expect my reasoning to be so detailed and angry. Sorry about that (but I am still angry at my body for still being poorly).
I have my yearly MRI coming up next week. This is what has prompted me to write a post.
As you might imagine, this brings up a lot of worries and hopes and stresses. Some examples include: Is my medication working? It was last year. What if it's not doing it's job as well this year? And why would it just change? Do I have new lesions? I must because I have had my funny left leg since my last MRI. What if there are more lesions and they haven't reared their ugly head as a symptom yet? How many active lesions might I have? Are they going to inject the dye stuff through my hand again? Because that hurt last time! I hope I don't have to press the panic button and ask if I can cough - I hate it when that happens, and I am sure the MRI peeps hate it too. But who knows? This sore throat is totally going to turn into a cough - because all I want to do is clear my throat! Damnit.
These are all typical anxieties experienced before going for an MRI when you have Mad Sascha. But this year is a little different in that I will need to wait a week before seeing the neurologist to find out if anything new is goin' on. Whereas before, I would be visiting from D-Town so my MRI and Neuro appointment would be on the same day. Done and dusted in one fell swoop! MRI in the a.m. and Neuro in the p.m. But now I live in Sydney again, I get an extra week to sit and stir and think and 'what if' my mind away...
Stress is pretty underrated, don't you think? Have I spoken about this before? It is so difficult to control how stress affects you. There are other not-so-nice things happening within my family at the moment. A good range of things, involving several different people (I love you all btw, you people who are my fam). I will not go into any detail, but these things are all very stressful and worrying! I should really not be so worried about myself and my silly yearly MRI. Geez Sascha, there is other shit goin' down that you can stress about. Hang on, no we really want to just avoid stress all together. But, it's just near impossible with some of the things going on. How do I not stress? I am a worrier after all. Just do not mention 'mindfulness' to me. Thanks.
I want to be well again! Being sick sux and it doesn't let you deal with stuff very effectively.
Well I really just wanted to express my few little silly thoughts about my worries of my upcoming MRI. And of course, once the results are in a week later (mid-April), I will be sure to post. And of course, I will think positive. And I do, but there is always that other little voice that is so difficult to mute out - she asks all the annoying questions. I tell her to shut up, but she doesn't seem to listen.
I should really try to get some proper sleep so my body can attempt to fight off this party of germs that is making me so ill and angry. Those little bastards!
